POOL DAY :)

Today was soo much fun!! I spent the day with Ashley and Steven at Steven's house. His house is soo fricken huge. It's like the size of me and Ashley's house put together. Haha..We had soo much fun. We went swimming and then hung out for the rest of the day. I got to talk to Bazinga a lot but I realized that I need to quit that boy cold turkey x/ It's getting ridiculous how much I talk to him. I'm bordering on Ashley-Micheal status && that's not good! I decided that I'm not going to talk to him for a couple of weeks. I need to cleanse my system of him and he needs to do the same. We haven't crossed the line yet but I don't want to keep watching out for that damn line! Lmao. I need to stop saying sweetie and honey and babes. He needs to stop that too. We both need a break. Jeez. Li is upstairs w/ a tootheache. She can't sleep. My mom is sitting with her right now and she's crying. It's going to be a long arse night for the both of them. I'm still debating on whether or not I'm going to stay up with them. I probably should. I'm not that good a person so I probably won't. Jeez. I'm horrible

Feelings :/

So tonight is my official last night of FREEDOM! The kids will be here tomorrow && then goodbye fantasy land xP I'm kidding. I'm excited that they'll be living with us and I can't wait but I will miss some of the advantages of being in a mostly empty house. On the bright side, there will be noise again. It's gotten way too quiet in this house. I need noise!!! On the down side, we're probably going to have a lot more family talks. I can't stand those. I'll even go so far as to say I HATE them with a passion!!! I hate sharing my feelings with people. I don't have feelings and I'm not some stupid little 5 year old girl who needs to cry it out! This is not good for me because my family just so happens to be really big on 'feelings.' They always want to talk about how we feel and if we're okay. Ugh! It's not like we're all therapists! I deal with my crap in my own way and I'm perfectly fine with my own methods. I don't need people knowing my business and stuff. I actually prefer that they were clueless. I can sweep it under the rug and leave it there. It's horrible, I know, but it's my way. That's why I don't really have boyfriends. I can't stand clingy. And 'clingy' to me is like 'devotion' to them. They just don't get it and I don't blame them. I know that I'm a weirdo and I'm stupid but that doesn't change how I feel.

It's almost 2 in the morning and I'm still sitting on this computer. I've been waiting for Bazing for an hour but I guess he got busy at work xD I've been talking to a couple of people while I was waiting. They're just a bunch of random guys jabbin at me but it's cool. It was funny. I was talking to this one guy who had his girlfriend all over his page but as soon as i asked he took her off and was like "she's just a friend" LMAO. Boys are clueless! haha..Well I saw the kids again today. They might be staying with us starting Thursday. I know that part of me doesn't really want them too but the bigger part of me doesn't want them to be anywhere else. I hope they're not scared and stuff. I love them and I can't wait for them to come. Uncle Rendo talked to me and anna today. He was telling us to call him if we ever got into trouble that we couldn't handle and we didn't tell our parents. It was helluh nice. He said he's gonna take us out so he can have an idea of what it's like to have teenage daughters. LOL. I guess I don't blame him for being curious, but me and deanna are horrible influences xD haha..Look at me. My eyes are glued to this damn computer and its nearly two in the morning. jeez. I need sleep =P G' Night.

KiDz =)

So I'm in San Diego waiting for my parents to come and get me from my aunty's house. We get to see the kids today :) and I'm really excited. I've missed them so much and I can't wait until it's 5. Deanna's in long beach so I'm sitting in the room with my brother. We're just hanging out. I'm supposed to be doing homework but it's spring break and I don't have any. I'm still helluh tired. I didn't sleep until 2 this morning and my dad woke me up at 7 -.- I was talking with Bazinga and P. Sawyer. I am waiting for 5 to get here already. I don't have my phone yet so I'm counting on my visit with the kids to distract me from my thoughts :) I'm pretty bored now. I watched 'Land of the Lost' on my way here. It was funny =P but I think it's one of those movies that you have to watch with your friends in order for it to be super hilarious. I'm kinda tired so maybe I'll go to bed.

APRIL :)

So, It's 12:35 a.m on a Saturday morning. I'm only sitting on this darn computer cause I'm talking to Bazinga. I wanted to go to sleep a long time ago but I still haven't. I haven't blogged in a while because I'm on restrictions again. My parents found out how I'm failing a lot of my classes. I'm working on getting my grades up though. They know about everything. I'm not stressed out anymore :) Well, not stressed about school. My family is always going through crap, but this time things got really bad. My aunty and uncle got their kids taken away from them. My uncle beat my little cousin up because he found out that he might be held back. The state came to the house and arrested my uncle and took the kids. That was 5 days ago. The kids are still staying in the Children's Center. If we're lucky, all three of them will be living with us by Thurday. We're going to be seperated from them on Easter but as long as we get to see them soon, that's fine with me. I'm going with my mom and brother to go and see them tomorrow. I'm so excited. I'm close to the kids and I really miss them. I hope everything works out. I would pray but I've been feeling hypocritcal everytime I think about church or religion. I just need to get right with God again. I hope that things will be easier for me but I don't know...sometimes it feels like it can't. I've been keeping a positive attitude on things and I'm proud of myself but then again...am I just lying to myself? Ugh. Life's questions :/